Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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