So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
