Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
