I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
