wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
