Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
