Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
