We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
