We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
