I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
