Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
