Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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