Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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