dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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