I just cut my nipple shaving
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
