Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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