just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
