i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
