Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize