I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
