i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
