Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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