i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
