well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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