I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
