I hate your face
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
