I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
