does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so much tequila, so little girl.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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