Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
