i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
