Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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