Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
