Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
