My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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