Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
