So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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