Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
