I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
