My hand turned me down
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
