I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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