we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
