I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
