On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
