He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
