What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
