I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
