My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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