Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
