did you get engaged???
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
