Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
