Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
