Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
