Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
