Your dad touched me again.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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