HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
