Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
