Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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