im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think my vagina is haunted
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i out mim tonsoeep
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