Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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