He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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