If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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