Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
