it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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