i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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