What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
