if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
