If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
