guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
