somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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