Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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