You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize