My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
