my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
