No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
